Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
