dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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