If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
