Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
