Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize