he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
