this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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