Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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