i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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