There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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