I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
