Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize