Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
