The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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