I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
