Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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