dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
