And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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