I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
