A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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