i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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