my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
