Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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