oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The air taste purple.
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