She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
