Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
