I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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