Small penises have feelings too.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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