It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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