I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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