My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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