Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
