They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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