I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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