He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
