Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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