the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
