i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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