Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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