Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
