When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All the doctor said was why
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
