im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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