We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
