Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
soo... how was my night?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
