Will you blow on my dice?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
