you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
