If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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