you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
