the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
