I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
