soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
