Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
