they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
