Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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