oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
