Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
