thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
