At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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