College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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