i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
