and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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