How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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