time to smoke my breakfast
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
