I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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